• Yellow Lobster Caught Off Coast Of Maine
    An extremely rare yellow lobster caught along the Maine coast has been donated to the University of New England, which has named the unique crustacean “Banana.”[...]
    2021-02-12T14:00:00.000Z
  • Doughnut Shop Owned By Shaquille O’Neal Burns Down
    An Atlanta Krispy Kreme doughnut shop belonging to Shaquille O’Neal, who also acts as a spokesperson for the franchise, was heavily damaged in a fire Wednesday [...]
    2021-02-12T14:00:00.000Z
  • Jesus Christ: Mario And Yoshi Used A Warp Block At The Same Time And Emerged Onto The Mario Party Board As A Horrifying, Fused Monstrosity
    Oh, Jesus fucking Christ. Gamers, this is bad. This is really bad. We don’t know how this happened exactly, but we were just playing a game of Super Mario Party[...]
    2021-02-12T13:00:00.000Z
  • How We’re Celebrating Valentine’s Day In A Pandemic
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    2021-02-11T22:25:00.000Z
  • LaVar Ball Claims LaMelo Unhappy About Being Left Off NBA’s Top-50 All-Time Team
    CHINO HILLS, CA—Saying that the rookie point guard has more than earned the opportunity, LaVar Ball claimed Thursday that his son, LaMelo, was unhappy about bei[...]
    2021-02-11T21:00:00.000Z
  • Experts Warn Uptick In Celebrity Boxing A Sign Nation Still Not Ready To Process Last Four Years
    LOS ANGELES—Calling the trend a disturbing symptom of underlying systemic issues, experts at the UCLA Center Of Media Studies warned the nation Friday that the [...]
    2021-02-11T20:52:00.000Z
  • Buccaneers Celebrate Super Bowl Victory With Boat Parade
    The Tampa Bay Buccaneers celebrated their Super Bowl LV win over the Kansas City Chiefs on Wednesday with a boat parade along the Hillsborough River. What do yo[...]
    2021-02-11T18:31:00.000Z
  • Tim Cook Unveils Rows Of Artificial Wombs After Announcing Apple Will Begin Manufacturing Own Employees In House
    CUPERTINO, CA—Touting the innovation as the next step in developing the workplace of the future, Apple CEO Tim Cook unveiled rows of artificial wombs to reporte[...]
    2021-02-11T18:00:00.000Z
  • Ted Cruz Deeply Disturbed By Part Of Capitol Riot Video Where Chuck Schumer Not Beaten To Death
    WASHINGTON—Squeezing his eyes shut in response to the harrowing Capitol riot footage, Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) was reportedly deeply disturbed Thursday by the part [...]
    2021-02-11T17:37:00.000Z
  • Senators Overjoyed By Chihuahua Jumping Through Hoops During Impeachment Intermission
    WASHINGTON—Cheering as the small, brown chihuahua triumphantly jumped through hoops placed throughout the Capitol chamber, senators were reportedly overjoyed Th[...]
    2021-02-11T16:10:00.000Z
  • End Of An Era: Sony Just Announced They’re Stopping Production Of The PS5
    Get ready to experience a roller coaster of emotions, Sony diehards. In a press conference early Thursday morning, the Japanese console maker ushered in the end[...]
    2021-02-11T15:00:00.000Z
  • John Krasinski And Emily Blunt: Their Tips For A Successful Marriage, Debunked
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    2021-02-11T13:58:00.000Z
  • Girlfriend’s Back Too Knotted And Gnarled For Massage To Turn Sexy
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    2021-02-11T13:56:00.000Z
  • Mississippi Town Offering Stipend For Remote Workers To Move In
    The city of Natchez, MS is offering $2,500 in moving expenses and a monthly $300 stipend to remote workers willing to purchase a house and live in the town for [...]
    2021-02-11T13:51:00.000Z
  • Utah School Drops Plans To Let Students Opt Out Of Black History Month
    A Montessori school in Utah has walked back plans to allow parents to exempt their children from learning a Black History Month curriculum following national pu[...]
    2021-02-11T13:50:00.000Z
  • Larry Flynt Promises To Make God Famous With Nude Photo Shoot
    THE HEAVENS—Telling Him to drop His robe and show everyone what He was working with, the late pornographer and First Amendment crusader Larry Flynt promised God[...]
    2021-02-11T06:27:00.000Z
  • Timeline Of U.S. Involvement In Yemen
    President Biden announced this week that the U.S. will end support for the war in Yemen, although the complex nature of the conflict and America’s involvement l[...]
    2021-02-10T21:40:00.000Z
  • Andrew Yang Leading NYC Mayoral Race After Flipping Off Residents And Telling Them To Suck His Dick
    NEW YORK—According to a new poll released Wednesday, Andrew Yang was reportedly leading the New York City mayoral race after flipping off residents and telling [...]
    2021-02-10T21:30:00.000Z
  • Boyfriend Upset About Something American Government Did In 1970s
    CLEVELAND—As he paced around the apartment muttering about the military-industrial complex and nefarious Cold War policy initiatives, sources confirmed Wednesda[...]
    2021-02-10T19:00:00.000Z
  • Health Experts Recommend Against Getting Zapped By Any Sort Of Futuristic Space Gun
    ATLANTA—Urging the public in the strongest possible terms to avoid the hypothetical armaments, health officials across the country issued a statement Tuesday wa[...]
    2021-02-10T18:35:00.000Z
  • Flustered Donald Trump Confesses He Only Murdered Mistress Because He Loved Her
    PALM BEACH, FL—Breaking down under pressure while watching the Senate trial on television, a flustered Donald Trump reportedly confessed Wednesday that he only [...]
    2021-02-10T18:15:00.000Z
  • Botched Autopsy Brings Murder Victim Back To Life
    SANTA MARIA, CA—Leaving local community members shocked and heartbroken, a botched autopsy performed at Marian Regional Medical Center Wednesday had reportedly [...]
    2021-02-10T16:15:00.000Z
  • Trump Attorneys Argue He Spoke Metaphorically Of Ripping Chamber Doors Off Hinges, Crushing Pelosi’s Skull
    WASHINGTON—Donald Trump’s attorneys argued Wednesday that the former president spoke metaphorically on Jan. 6 before the Capitol riots while telling supporters [...]
    2021-02-10T16:15:00.000Z